Thursday, May 08, 2003
First and foremost, I have to take back some false information that I posted on here a couple days ago. Luther Vandross is NOT dead. Someone at work told me he was and I immediately posted the sad news on this site. But after a week with no news about the event, I did some researching. Luther Vandross is still in rough shape, but he is alive. I apologize for posting incorrect information. Stupid Joe. Stupid, stupid cunnilingus stupid.
If you are not watching DZO on Sorority Life or their Brother Fraternity (Sigma Chi somethin or other) on Fraternity Life, then you don’t know what you are missing. I am a sucker for MTV reality TV. They are the original and the best. (Do I even have to say it again?) Last night, I was lucky enough to catch the new episodes as they premiered - rather than sitting around all Saturday afternoon catching up on my missed moments. The shows are essentially Lois Lame, but I am nevertheless addicted. Especially because the shows take place at the University of Buffalo, which is 2 and a half hours from where I went to college. It’s weird watching these kids, cuz I feel as though it’s a complete flashback to my college. You know…the nails on a chalkboard accents, the keg parties, the late night drives, eating lunch in the Union…if you were ever wondering where Joe CuttheShit went to college, tune in to MTV on Wednesday nights at 10pm. These boners make me feel all nostalgic and shit. Ah…the dayz.
A week from Saturday, I am going to The Quiet Party. Joanna and I discovered this party when we were playing on Craig’s List. The premise of the party is simple. There will be no loud music and no craziness. No screaming and no yelling. From what I imagine, there will be candles lit and light jazz playing on the corner jukebox. A place where singles can meet and get to know each other without having to scream over the top of unnecessarily loud speakers. In the back room (and this is the best part), there is no talking AT ALL! It is a silent room where you can only talk to other people via paper and pencil. If you have something you want to say to the girl sitting across the room, you must write her a note on a piece of paper and pass it along to her. If you want to buy a good-looking guy a drink (me!), you write that offer on a piece of paper and pass it to me. Fun, right?!?! Joanna is excited to meet some interesting single guys and I think that this would be a great opportunity for her. I also invited Ari as I think she could benefit from a night out with good people and mature men. No psychos allowed. I anticipate it being a very good time. As long as I can keep my mouth shut for more than 5 minutes.
Tidbits of Today:
-I have taken a literal shit every half-hour since 8am. This means that I have shit 7 times so far today. 7 times sitting on the toilet and 7 times wiping my asshole raw.
-I ate an “Odwalla” bar and absolutely hated it.
-I spent 20 minutes looking at muscle pictures when I got to work. Making sure to minimize the screen when the housekeeper emptied my garbage can.
-After leaving Ari’s apartment last night, I ate a huge cheeseburger and French fry dinner. It tasted so damn good, but wasn’t totally fulfilling. When Paul showed up at my apartment an hour later, I faked that I hadn’t eaten all day and he ordered me a sandwich from Subway. I ate that too. (ahhh…is this the reason for my chronic shitting?)
-My hair is so spikey that it breaks the sound barrier. Sound barrier? Yeah, sound barrier.
-I almost got caught masturbating in the bathroom.
-I have a nugget of pot in my cigarette pack for when I go to Paul’s apartment later.
-Am eating pizza for lunch because I am sick and tired of eating fruit every day. I need a break from all this healthy nonsense.
-I put on both deodorant and AXE Body Spray and still reek of sour BO.
-Tried to buy my mom a Teddy Bear from “Vermont Teddy Bear Company”, but found out that they were $100 each. Then decided to make her a teddy bear card.
-Bit off one of my fingernails, which caused a hangnail to form, after which, I ripped out the hanger and now have blood dripping down my right ring finger.
-Smelled fart in our supply room at work and in turn made sure to blame it on anyone and everyone around me. I didn’t lay the fart bomb, but wasn’t at all willing to take the silent blame for it either.
-Realized that by writing these “Tidbits” I have made myself sound like the most stank, disgusting boy on the planet.
In other news…
Nell Carter is still dead.
The agency that I auditioned for last week still hasn’t called me. I guess they didn’t like my thank you note that much. For the first couple days of this week, I would run up the stairs to my apartment, burst through the door, and look at the answering machine with hopeful eyes. As of yesterday, I just gave up. Fuck them. If they don’t want my hot ass then I certainly don’t want their snores filled asses. It was a good first start. Now I must find a new agency to audition for next week and then another and another and another. yeah. YEAH!
But then again, maybe they will call me tonight…pwease?
pwease and carrots?
Because I am a broke bitch, I won’t be able to see Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera’s tour this summer. I mean, it’s the hot ticket of the year. Everyone who is anyone loves Justin and Christina. I hear all this talk about Radiohead and Ben Harper and Jack Johnson and I think, “Sure these people are wonderfully talented, but they aren’t Justin”. No one is. Not even Justin.
Oh great! I have to poop again! What IS this?!?! Did I eat a bowl of dysentery last night? I mean, fucking for real. I am going to have permanent creases on my ass from sitting on the bowl all day.
Alright, outtie.
Peace out my little ghoulies.
If you are not watching DZO on Sorority Life or their Brother Fraternity (Sigma Chi somethin or other) on Fraternity Life, then you don’t know what you are missing. I am a sucker for MTV reality TV. They are the original and the best. (Do I even have to say it again?) Last night, I was lucky enough to catch the new episodes as they premiered - rather than sitting around all Saturday afternoon catching up on my missed moments. The shows are essentially Lois Lame, but I am nevertheless addicted. Especially because the shows take place at the University of Buffalo, which is 2 and a half hours from where I went to college. It’s weird watching these kids, cuz I feel as though it’s a complete flashback to my college. You know…the nails on a chalkboard accents, the keg parties, the late night drives, eating lunch in the Union…if you were ever wondering where Joe CuttheShit went to college, tune in to MTV on Wednesday nights at 10pm. These boners make me feel all nostalgic and shit. Ah…the dayz.
A week from Saturday, I am going to The Quiet Party. Joanna and I discovered this party when we were playing on Craig’s List. The premise of the party is simple. There will be no loud music and no craziness. No screaming and no yelling. From what I imagine, there will be candles lit and light jazz playing on the corner jukebox. A place where singles can meet and get to know each other without having to scream over the top of unnecessarily loud speakers. In the back room (and this is the best part), there is no talking AT ALL! It is a silent room where you can only talk to other people via paper and pencil. If you have something you want to say to the girl sitting across the room, you must write her a note on a piece of paper and pass it along to her. If you want to buy a good-looking guy a drink (me!), you write that offer on a piece of paper and pass it to me. Fun, right?!?! Joanna is excited to meet some interesting single guys and I think that this would be a great opportunity for her. I also invited Ari as I think she could benefit from a night out with good people and mature men. No psychos allowed. I anticipate it being a very good time. As long as I can keep my mouth shut for more than 5 minutes.
Tidbits of Today:
-I have taken a literal shit every half-hour since 8am. This means that I have shit 7 times so far today. 7 times sitting on the toilet and 7 times wiping my asshole raw.
-I ate an “Odwalla” bar and absolutely hated it.
-I spent 20 minutes looking at muscle pictures when I got to work. Making sure to minimize the screen when the housekeeper emptied my garbage can.
-After leaving Ari’s apartment last night, I ate a huge cheeseburger and French fry dinner. It tasted so damn good, but wasn’t totally fulfilling. When Paul showed up at my apartment an hour later, I faked that I hadn’t eaten all day and he ordered me a sandwich from Subway. I ate that too. (ahhh…is this the reason for my chronic shitting?)
-My hair is so spikey that it breaks the sound barrier. Sound barrier? Yeah, sound barrier.
-I almost got caught masturbating in the bathroom.
-I have a nugget of pot in my cigarette pack for when I go to Paul’s apartment later.
-Am eating pizza for lunch because I am sick and tired of eating fruit every day. I need a break from all this healthy nonsense.
-I put on both deodorant and AXE Body Spray and still reek of sour BO.
-Tried to buy my mom a Teddy Bear from “Vermont Teddy Bear Company”, but found out that they were $100 each. Then decided to make her a teddy bear card.
-Bit off one of my fingernails, which caused a hangnail to form, after which, I ripped out the hanger and now have blood dripping down my right ring finger.
-Smelled fart in our supply room at work and in turn made sure to blame it on anyone and everyone around me. I didn’t lay the fart bomb, but wasn’t at all willing to take the silent blame for it either.
-Realized that by writing these “Tidbits” I have made myself sound like the most stank, disgusting boy on the planet.
In other news…
Nell Carter is still dead.
The agency that I auditioned for last week still hasn’t called me. I guess they didn’t like my thank you note that much. For the first couple days of this week, I would run up the stairs to my apartment, burst through the door, and look at the answering machine with hopeful eyes. As of yesterday, I just gave up. Fuck them. If they don’t want my hot ass then I certainly don’t want their snores filled asses. It was a good first start. Now I must find a new agency to audition for next week and then another and another and another. yeah. YEAH!
But then again, maybe they will call me tonight…pwease?
pwease and carrots?
Because I am a broke bitch, I won’t be able to see Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera’s tour this summer. I mean, it’s the hot ticket of the year. Everyone who is anyone loves Justin and Christina. I hear all this talk about Radiohead and Ben Harper and Jack Johnson and I think, “Sure these people are wonderfully talented, but they aren’t Justin”. No one is. Not even Justin.
Oh great! I have to poop again! What IS this?!?! Did I eat a bowl of dysentery last night? I mean, fucking for real. I am going to have permanent creases on my ass from sitting on the bowl all day.
Alright, outtie.
Peace out my little ghoulies.
